my wife doesn't touch me sexually anymore my wife doesn't touch me sexually anymore

I like cuddling. I cannot believe that is wasnt suggested that the LWs wife work with a functional doctor who can work with plant based bio identical hormones that can probably increase her desire. What we have Ive worked very hard to achieve. That being said, my wife and I married young. But my wife was not. I have asked her why she makes dinner for us even though she hates doing it, and she says its because she loves me. Hasnt been for 15 years. Below are a few potential reasons that might explain why your wife is not interested in you sexually. Dang! Men must risk themselves, including sacrificing their own lives if necessary, to protect the women and children in their care. That way both of our sex drive would be fairly low Im a good looking hard-working big hearted man and I immediately told her you better well I dont wanna hurt you. If you are tired of initiating intimacy and are concerned that my wife wont touch me sexually, youre not alone. Divorced quickly. Here's her full guide to overcoming the sexual avoidance cycle, plus how to support a lower-libido partner. Got lost there. Id go get some attention somewhere if I could. When you first met her you were in an OTHER zone. And I still dont even know why! (You might want to share with her an excellent resource about responsive desire, Emily Nagoskis book Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life.). As far as foreplay goes, either I dont know how to do it or she doesnt like to be touched unless she is in the mood. My hubby is one happy camper. Ive been accepting of her feelings and expectations. My husband is 46 gringo! Perhaps your husband, as well as a few troglodytes posting here, are in need of some attitude adjustments, but you shouldnt paint all men with the same brush. And lastly, dont discount masturbation as a solution. I live in my garage, shop, apartment and happy as clam no yelling and name calling. And feel that what ls what the real problem ls ,should l just exsept this he said lt to uncomfortable to have sex due to his prostate he never touches me l own the house but now he says he wants to put lt ln a trust ,as lf l die he gets lt and visa versa can u help me ,he hates talking about lt but made lt clear lt was not me but his prostate he ls also on. Now after almost 50 years of marriage, I get two aging people going through the motions of life with a hug and a quick peck on the lips because to desire more means I am stressing him out or asking too much. Too much trouble. The guy is a magnet! Is your husband on HRT as well? there is NO physical connection PLUS no sex. Intimacy isnt about sex, its about being close in more ways than sexually. Nothing before marriage, nothing on our wedding night and little to nothing for the next 46+ years. What to about it: Learn how to make a woman have an orgasm and how to make sex better for women. Thats something that you honestly need to ask yourself. I am 60 and my wife has zero interest in sex, was never real sexual, but after menopause, it is zero. I became completely numb to anything. If you're feeling rejected sexually, spice up your appearance. . Harley, I am doing none of those things. The man must rule by demanding to get what he wants. Ive got wonder if she really was just needing something to be mad at me for. This is probably not the case between a wife and husband who have lost a level of intimacy in their relationship. We are both quite healthy but she has little interesting sex now. Married 36 years, neither of us had sex with anyone including each other until our wedding night: It was tough, but my choice. Im 57 and my husband is 56 years old. And the source of so many sleepless nights is that person who promised to love and honor us until death dobus part and who still possess a mouth and fingers and the ability to do just that. A little over 43 without sex, or dealing with her, I do my own thing and dont really care what she does. So, maybe you need to think about going back to being friends and not husband and wife? My 76 year old husband has not. You treat her well, and she shows no interest in you. I understand, Im in the same position, although not as long of a time period without sex. Even too much Viagra can cause things like blindness. Is this the same advice you would give a man that is in a sexless marriage? Fear Of The Wife How Real Is It For Modern Men? But it nearly tore us apart. Many marriages have been ruin, husband are sad, desperate, when wives started to isolate themselves. Thats great but what about the man? Only you can decide if this is right for you. Now when I express frustration, she will occasionally make a half hearted attempt, but rejects me at the last moment which has brought forth some lack of confidence for me and resentment towards her. We have done counseling and it always comes back to my issues which I work on but have never seen any change from her. You can gently bring up that you want to keep prioritizing your sex life together so your wife understands how you feel and so you can mutually find ways to work on this part of your lives while still being sensitive to her struggles. Every time he gets mad he threatens to move out. I just accept that I could not control it and that it is Gods will for me. Its all a crock. What does it mean when your wife doesn't show affection? However, unless you know why your wife is avoiding sex or any forms of physical intimacy, you wont know what you need to work on. While its good to get to the root of the problem so you can resume a healthy, happy relationship, checking in with yourself is also good. 2. Now, for the past several months, we go to bed together and after I have fallen asleep, he starts masterbating and the shaking of the bed awakens me. My wife and I had a beautiful sex life until she started to have complex female problems that resulted in a partial histerectomy and even after the procedure she finds sex very painful. After having surgery 2 years ago for testicular cancer my wife wont touch me. I think the resolve here is to tell the parent who is confiding in you to seek professional help, and then bud out. Shes always saying how bad she feels about it but but never offers to do anything. Come to find out my wife was getting hers on the side. She refuses to talk about it. Its worth discussing with your doctor. At first when we were dating this were fine. Well, its clearly only getting worse. She understands that its hard for me, but we both dont know what to do about the situation. I went elsewhere a few years back. Menopause can affect a woman's sexual functioning2 and overall interest in sex. If you have gone through months or years of being patient with your wife and still arent feeling physically connected, it may be time for marital counseling. Ill keep this short, but I could write a short novel. I could do as well financially as a single person and there are women who would be happy with what I can provide, both financially and intimately. Ive tried scheduling, bringing in sex toys, texting, dating, hugging and cuddling in bed you name it. Im 69 and still active. I was already starting to think that I was a man born in a womans body!!! One of the top sexual concerns women have is feeling self-conscious about their own bodies during sex. I am aware of the risks, and am more than willing to live with them, rather than go back to how I was before. I think Im in love and theres no turning back. Quick and fast is also good. Believe me when I say that she has really tried and every time it has turned out badly, I really feel like an ass for going along with the effort the she was making. It is one of the classic signs of a cheating wife and if your gut tells you somethings up, it may be worth investigating it a bit further. I mean the guy has a woman more than willing to get playful and see what happens and he uses porn? There are books that can help guide you. But when I try to go to the next level. , checking in with yourself is also good. If your wife wont have sex, it could be that she just doesnt feel close to you anymore, and the idea of being intimate makes her feel too vulnerable. Very true! But, if we actually *wish* to engage our brains, we do have the brains that God gave us, the brains through with which we can engage in thoughtful interpretation of facts. While I understand where you are coming from, what if (as in my case) it is a physical.problem that is the cause. My only suggestion would be to get out of this marriage and fast. Now its too late. If you love him why cant you help him be happy a few times a week I dont get that part, it is just a little bit of your time and you could set all the rules or boundaries of what you are and are not willing to do. I demonstrate my love for her in so many ways, little notes, letters, flowers messages in song, other women including young women I work with say they would love to have someone who loves and respects their partner and relationship like I do. We have had a lot of therapy through the years, but even after all this time I feel sexually numbed, completely disinterested and unable to respond.i still feel the need to be held by him and I love him so much, I felt so guilty. Husbands (and I was one) are men who figured out too late that they are being played for fools. Once the women have these needs fulfilled the sexual desire for the man that gave them all the things they desired goes away. However, whenever one spousewithdraws from the other, there is always a risk of your marriage being almost over. Now married to number 3. It is now marketers more to females also, which isnt improving relationships. Who gets up and takes card of them? I understand. Share your feelings with your wife openly, honestly, and vulnerably without expecting it to lead to something physical. Better than NO sex of any sort for 10+ years, and being rediculed for masturbating. Research shows that sexual communication was. I just dont get it. Kelly Gonsalves is a multi-certified sex educator and relationship coach helping people figure out how to create dating and sex lives that actually feel good more open, more optimistic, and more pleasurable. According to my research MOST sexless couple dont divorce. Hi Christi, the best thing about this article is the comment section! The vast majority are trained to be misandrists and far too many are grotesquely unethical. She even went from sleeping naked in bed to full pajamas and on the rare occsion she would have sex to me, remove only her panties like a robot. In fact, I recently read that most sexless marriages are due to lack of desire in the men. I sure want too. I have tried to have a heartfelt conversation but he is not willing to talk about it. Women are very conscious about their bodies in general. Sorry long diatribe. Sweetie, I love you with all my heart and it saddens me that you have no interest in intimacy with me and refuse to explore any potential solutions. We could have worked it out. At least you go that far to keep your marriage happy, intake, blessed. I guess I must count my blessings. Men listen carefully If your wife stopped having sex with you after marriage she will NEVER regain that desire for you. Nerves responsible for pleasure become less prominent and less sensitive. I sincerely hope is wife is open to exploring options. As a matter of fact, if shes not enjoying herself, I stop. And somehow we have convinced ourselves sex has become less important to us as we age and replaced by the comfort of just knowing we love one another? It is a great resource for relationship help. Take care. }; We signed for our first mortgage when she was in ICU with fourth-stage cancer. Emotional intimacy and physical intimacy go hand in hand. What about the emotional security of being held while you sleep? I retired early to get Medicare and redusece medical expenses. You have put up with so much bull shit it is sickening. Addie First woman with the same situation!! When is the last time you did something romantic for her without expecting sex in return? Yeah, wrinkles and less hair (me), but sex is as good as ever! I have always loved sex with my hubby, but after menopause, that all changed for the worse. I have many friends in this situation. He said hed think about this. Dont know what todo he wont talk about his He is overly stressed from work. Now when it comes to my receiving oral sex to orgasm? You have slipped into being neutral around her, rather than being masculine and making her feel girly in your presence Inside, you may feel very masculine or confident, but she's not going to feel any desire to be affectionate if you don't use your masculinity to make her feel feminine (rather than neutral) in comparison to you. Thats what hurts me is the constant rejection. EXACTLY!!! Somehow I thought that would be my fix. Our marriage was sexless because I couldnt perform so we started seeing various kinds of Therapists but after 5 years we had no luck. All through this past Covid year, only one time did she come forward an say I need a hug. Run why stay? He shows no interest or emotional desire to engage in sex or affection. I found a wonderful woman gynecologist, and she put me on low dose hormone therapy. A study published by the. He needs to get his hormone levels tested as he is mostly estrogen dominant and low test. Shes been mostly dry since a few years before menopause. Now that you know that this could also be the reason why your wife avoids physical contact, you need to be her rock and convince her that you still think shes as beautiful as the day when you first met her. He doesnt even like to kiss. Bull. If your sex life is devoid of experimenting with new sexual positions, role play, dressing up, creating a sensual ambiance, theres a chance that the same sexual routine has become boring and tiresome for your wife and she has started avoiding all physical contact. I guess my story isnt as bad as many. We dont really argue and enjoy each others company. Be patient with her as she works on herself, and the two of you refocus on your marriage. I ask why she said it is just how it is. Be loving. 6. The thing thats in the way the most for me ISNT all the atrophy, the breast surgery, the continuing oral chemo therapy, the fatigue that I have. You can clearly see that she is overworked and avoids intimacy. he is very persistent. "Some of the pressure comes from the idea that you 'should' be having sex. My career came to a halt after my illness, due to a stigma related to my heart problems and brain surgery. Some women have no idea of how belittled this makes a man feel, and its not just a matter of getting our rocks off since we can do that ourselves. Kelly Gonsalves is a sex educator, relationship coach, and journalist. With a lot of talk and communication, we have made peace with our sex life. Must he provide her preferred amount of resources (which is much higher than he himself needs) while also accepting her preferred amount of sex (which is much lower than he himself needs) under the guise of equality? "Sexuality will often emerge naturally from their authentic emotional intimacy.". Share This: Have a question about relationships and sex for seniors? Loved sexI mean with exuberance and joy. Maybe I should start trying to ease my husband into this conversation because we have been having sex rarer and rarer these past few years. I honestly dont know what happens to men as they age. After 8.5 years in my sexless marriage, I almost found the phrase Youve both gone so long without sex together funny, though it is far from that. Particularly in marriages between men and women, women still do the vast majority of household labor and childcare, even when both partners are spending an equal number of hours at work. Here are some possible openings finesse one or more of these to fit your comfort and style: I strongly suggest that you see a sex therapist (find one in your location) or a sex-savvy counselor for guidance. While its true that marriage isnt for everyone, it certainly isnt worthless. The health setback added to a divorce and two children to support has made life difficult. My wife lost interest in sex years ago. Youre guessing that your wife might have vaginal atrophy, but you dont know. You take care of you! If your wife never initiates physical contact, it could be that horror of horrors you may be bad in bed. I'll go out on a limb and suggest that your wife isn't sexually aroused by being treated well. I see my friend for an outing about 2X/month. But this woman kept me in her heart and mind for fifty years. You may have become so engrossed in your work or friends that you just dont spend quality time with your wife. What to about it: Have an earnest, exploratory conversation with each other about what sex means to you both as individuals, and then talk about how you can create a mutually satisfying sex life that works for both of you. Many health issues can affect a woman's sexual desire, from diabetes to chronic pain conditions to cancer. Sometimes I just want fuck all night long but the woman I love has no interest. Most of my female friends in their sixties are married to men who just stopped having sex, wanting sex, initiating sex or any kind of intimacy. I am so tired of these therapists and all there lets support the one who doesnt want sex but dismiss the one who is still in love and desires romance more than anything with KEEP MASTURBATING We have been together since the 80s and there is No ONE else I want to be with. Ive moved on!!! If the lack of interest becomes an ongoing pattern, consider any of the above potential reasons. Great but no sex at 69. Im only 63 and Ive pretty much just given up. He is absolutely wonderful father and husband. To you guys in a sexless marriage for years, and she wont even talk to you about it? She has to try, and she should want to try for your sake if not hers. So all women who married men and saw this first hand, from 14 to 80. No one wants to talk about it. Signs My Husband Isn't Attracted To Me - He Rejects Your Hugs, Kisses, And Touch. I read this article, and it sounds easy to find therapy/solutions. We havent had sex in months. What steps can I take to help my wife get in the mood? Men with low sex drive try lifting free weights in a gym. A lack of communication may have led to years of unsatisfying sex, and the longer youre together, the more nervous she may be to bring it up. They can go months and years without sex and then the menopause hits and then theyre completely done. Does your wife deal with mental health struggles or clinical depression? Harley and Mike, I have a loving wife but her sex drive is down to ziltch. I figured this was my life, deal with it and shut up. Or make a deal with him, sounds very strong at 76. However, if both partners are not okay with a sexless marriage, your relationship wont survive. The children I mention are my children from a prior marriage and I do 100% of everything for them without any help from her. You and your husband need to take some hours to reconnect, or try to reconnect, with the people you believe yourself to have been when you first fell in love with each other. Whats more, you are not doomed to be in a sexless marriage! The sex was great but found I was working most years 2 jobs, supporting the house hold 3 kids. Life is way too short! My son is in an open marriage (I know this because he and his wife talk about it openly) and it opened my eyes to the reality that it is unrealistic to expect one person to be able to satisfy all of your sexual needs. I almost wish I were. She cut me off completely about 10 years ago and refuses to even talk about sex when I try to bring it up. . See all of Joans advice in Sex@Our Age. Married a little over 50 years! She said, YOU WILL LOOK AT OTHER WOMEN?! She is somewhat stressed by the reduction in lifestyle we have been reduced to, after years of six figure income for both of us. Sorry about no sex demise. She may give in from time to time to satisfy her man, but the drive is gone. . Together we have seen a number of therapists with not much luck but felt I owed it to her to try and fix things. She has absolutely no interest in it. Our finances are so intermingled that to divorce means we cut our incomes in half facing either no sex or no home or food. I am also in a sexless relationship, same as others in our 50s Im in good shape and shes overweight, out of shape and depressed. You may find that your perception of the situation is extremely different than theirs . For example, nonsexual touching, which includes kissing, cuddling, and hand-holding, can make people feel . And yes thank goodness for self stimulation but what I wouldnt give for a womans touch!!! Some are related to the pressures and demands of family life. Hi Mary What is the point of being married if there is no intimacy? I am retired on social security, having spent my entire returment funds on an expensive divorce and a protracted hospital stay and heart and brain surgeries. I said I am a human male and I have basic needs. Its not an option. I was reading the original story and that exactly my life. I have rekindled a relationship that ended over fifty years ago with a woman I dated right before I met my wife. But we are kidding ourselves if we somehow justify a womans position requiring fidelity in a sexless marriage. Same issue here. I am fairly attractive and I. WFT. Hi Monica, You ladies need to get hip on new Sex Play & Sex Toys, My wife of 1yr,(she is 73) ( Im 77) We were having sex every nite & 3 times on weekendsand it all came to a STOP about a month ago. No, I should say male divined WRONG! unless you feel he is better then nothing. I have been dedicated for 43 years but I also realize you need and one thing before you canOnto the other. We still talk, but thats it. I fear I will never know physically intimacy again in this marriage, I keep holding out hope, which is why I stay. Shes my buddy. Reality, we can go easy one yr without sex, he doesnt touch me,nada! She is against the idea of therapy. I have been married for 40 years this coming July. I have suffered from sexual dysfunction ever since I started having sex at 15 back in the mid 1970s. Estrogen levels drop while a woman is transitioning into menopause, which can cause vaginal dryness and cause sex to be painful or just downright uncomfortable. Discuss it with her: Share this iMOM article with your wife and discuss it: 4 Things You Can Do When Youre Not in the Mood. Senior Planet Community is our social media platform designed specifically for older adult users. You have no idea how ignorant your statement is. We just share our acerage, her in the house and I have a place with my dettached out building. It has been years since my wife and I have had sex. The problem with respecting a partner who doesnt want sex any longer, is that the other person who does want sex needs to be respected too. Even worse, because Im larger than average, she can no longer handle my penis even if she wanted to. Think before you do what you do. I NEED an active partner. So, I know my only option is accept this is my life from here on. Were communicating better but no changes to our sex life even though he has plenty of blue pills. 9. If shes willing, find a therapist who will help you and your wife talk about this and really listen to each otherand if she wont go, go on your own. Im 65, shes 70. And Ive been caught too. Ive no where to go. We seem to have fallen into a marriage without sex. Hormonal changes, which can start as early as your 20s, can also be root causes of low sex drive. Most importantly, a couple agrees that their marriage is built on a foundation of love and respect. There is nothing sexier than seeing your man crazy! We havent had sex in 6 months and she has rejected my advances numerous times. It was even suggested I try penile injections at bedtime so I can at least get hard for her pleasure. Susan, I have one word for you intimacy and all the other women that do not understand the difference between intimacy and sex. We enjoy our company, share similar hobbies, have a lovely family and house, like to travell together, share chores ( I make a gourmet breakfast every Sunday) dont really have financial issues apart from the normal stress episodes, and above all we love each other dearly or at least we say it all the time! 2 children later sex was still fun. Your wife has become conscious of her body, 8. I was married for 24 years. It all goes to show that marriage is worthless and now even worse because there is no sexual obligation. Good luck to you all and hope the juices start flowing soon for those that feel deprived. Shes happen because we dont have sex or have any form of intimacy. Given the fact that 34%, (some studies say as high as 40%) of women and 15% of men dont like/want sex, is it any wonder that 50% of marriages end in divorce? After all of that, the thought of intimacy at night becomes almost like another chore, says Gopa. Genuinely compliment your wife and make her feel sexy again. Men empathize with women in a way that women do not with men; men *want* to make decisions that benefit women, individually and as a group (the Women are Wonderful effect, which both men and women exhibit). 3, stop calling her names and no more fights with give you more chances of having sex with her that night. Been in sexless marriage for 45 years! I cant make the same wages I did before my illness, but added to my retirement money, it can get close. The woman is doing two jobs, especially during the pandemic. Arthritis: No Cure, But Ways to Ease the Pain. She said that I can take care of myself in the shower and that is just fine with her. If done with the full knowledge of both partners, and always using safe sex, this would provide another solution to their dilemma. by *someone!! Lets face it, as women age, many lose sex drive, along with experiencing a good number of other sexual problems. Youre right that its a huge, painful problem. I just dont understand. When I was single it didnt bother me I just figured I was easily bored sexually. I told her that I did not want that, That I only wanted her but she said she loves me but has no sexual feelings, it is slowly destroying me and I do not know what to do, she refuses to talk about it, will not spoon in bed and pulls away from any hug. If your wife avoids intimacy, this could be her way of punishing you for something she suspects you of. He expects lunch and dinner to be made for him every day, He drinks beer by the gallon and he gives nothing to this marriage. We dont understand anything about foreplay or romance. But she works in a male-dominated field and loves to flirt this drives me bat shit crazy as I know I will never be there with her again. A woman figures that out, shell be HAPPILY married! Foreplay isnt just in the bedroom before sex. In other cases, it can also be if youve betrayed her trust in the past. I love him as much as the air I breathe, but I just wish he would realize Im suffering and offer that its ok for me to have some on the side. One reason your wife never initiates affection may be stress related. This is not rocket science, bro. I understand that kids, work, and home projects can weaken your, As your wife pushes you away, you might feel tempted to use porn, but porn robs you of genuine desire for your wife. That doesnt mean you should not try, but know when trying is of no use. But this past 6 months I see things slipping and I feel we are not getting that closeness and are becoming more distant even though we do many things together. I just dont understand. When she was in the mood, my wife really enjoyed sex and had great orgasms, but that mood hit less and less frequently. Wow!!! Even if you have something as small as a minor headache or you cut yourself while cooking, a loving wife will always be ready to pounce and get the first aid kit. The sexual spark will return when she emerges out of it, stronger and healthier. I know that feeling of the Phone etc being more important. I said well, (while pointing to my head) by the time you heal I will have checked out up here, I will be looking at women and wondering if they would be fun to be with. Im just trying to talk to her and it pisses her off anytime I bring it up Im tired of masturbating two to three times a week so I can focus on the everyday things Im going on 33 years of marriage and this started at 15 years. Sounds to me like youve picking your men from the bar. But. Harley, yeah I believe men are more likely to complain then women in places like this. Why would anyone want to have sex with your pessimistic, crotchety, excuse-ridden ass?